My husband made me confront something about myself recently that I had been to stubborn to see. In the search for becoming the perfect wife and mother, I have lost my voice. I thought he was seriously losing his mind, but he pointed out to me the fact that I almost no longer share my opinion on things. It has become a “whatever you want” kind of situation. . . like the one in the movie, Coming to America. Have you ever seen that scene?
Get my drift? At first when he shared this with me, I was angry. Wasn’t that what he wanted from me? To be a submissive and compliant wife? He basically told me that I had become his puppet–that I had lost my voice.
His words hurt. But more than that, the truth hurt. I realized for the first time in my life that I have been living in fear of displeasing him to the point that I no longer had been thinking for myself. Whatever he wanted from me, I would become.
It took his love and truth to make me realize how complacent I had become as a wife. For fear of losing him or driving him away, I had become a puppet and a door mat.
Men do not want that ladies. What they want from us is a strong woman–one who doesn’t mind sharing her opinion and her insight. One that can be independent and yet still let her husband know that she needs him.
I had totally lost sight of that. I started thinking–when did I get like that? Then it hit me. When I came home and started homeschooling our children, I started allowing my voice to take a backseat–all in the name of being a stay at home mom.
By being at home, I convinced myself that my voice, my opinions, and my thoughts did not matter. My husband is the head of the house and his opinion is the only one that matters. How stupid is that? Ladies–don’t be like me. Don’t lose your voice. In doing so, you lose yourself.
My husband began to see the signs of a woman who was about ready to lose it. He has seen this firsthand with many of his friends whose wives just picked up and took off after years of marriage. He wanted to stop it before it consumed me too. When I told him one night–I don’t even know who I am anymore–a warning sign went off for him and he confronted me and made me use my voice again.
He is helping me rediscover who I am by giving me some space to make my own decisions. It’s hard. I find myself saying Are you sure you don’t care?” when I should be saying This is something I really want to do.
I am telling you today–don’t lose your voice. Be who God created you to be. Share with others. Don’t be afraid to live. Speak up when you need to, but do it in respect. Your husband will love you more knowing that he has a wife who has a backbone. Thanks to my wonderful man I am rediscovering mine. This is a long hard road that I hate that I have to go down, but in order to find me again and be the ME that God created me to be, I have to–regardless of how much this hurts.
I challenge you today to stand up for yourself. Speak–live–love. Don’t let fear of “whatever” rule you and back you into losing your voice. Speak out.