This week I thought I would start a series of posts on addictions. I am one of those who has been to the depths and back, engrossed in many, many harmful addictions. I can now say that I am free. It was not an easy road to handle. In fact, many times I fell on my face, but when God finally healed me of my addictions–they left.
One of the worst addictions I ever had was one to pornography. Yep–you read that right.
Me–a 21 year old female addicted to pornography.
Today, men get busted every single day for their porn addictions, while ladies are left to hide in their secret addiction. Women are just as much addicted to pornography as men are, yet we hide our addictions well. We mask it with other things so that no one knows our little nasty secret.
Here is the story behind mine.
When I was young and first discovered the Internet (back when it first came out), a friend of ours introduced us to all the many X-rated sites out there. He showed us how to search for things and save images so we could go back later and look at them. At first, I was appalled at this! It was gross and nasty and I could not believe all the stuff that was out there!
But then, the more time I spent on the Internet, my interest was peaked and it was not long before I was hooked.
The thing that people do not realize is that if you are not a Christian, you do not know that looking at pornography is wrong. At least I did not.
Until it started ruining my life and my marriage.
But by then, it was too late. I was hooked and couldn’t stop.
Like any addiction, if you feed it, you will stay hooked. You have to quit cold turkey and get rid of the source that is feeding your addiction. Get help. Ask others. Find ways to fill your life with positive things.
I remember after the day I accepted Christ how that burning urge to look at something started gnawing at me. I was scared and not sure what to do. My heart raced as I sat down at the computer. I looked to my right and there was the huge box of disks that hundreds of pictures saved on them. All I had to do was to pop one in and the computer would do the rest. My hands were shaking and I could feel this other Presence holding me back a bit. I had never felt guilty before about looking at it, so why was it bothering me now?
As I sat there looking at that box, I felt the urge to crush all those disks–and that is exactly what I did. From that moment I felt freed. Something inside of me just knew that what I was involved in was wrong, that the Bible has many verses on keeping your heart pure and clean before the Lord.
I guess that is one reason why the movie Fireproof resonated with me so much is because I was just like Kirk Cameron in the movie. His live was my life–down to the very last T. Here is the clip of him realizing that his addictions were killing his marriage.
I don’t know if you are secretly struggling with this addiction or not, but if you are–seek the Lord’s help above all the other help you are seeking out.
Accountability partners are great.
Celebrate Recovery is awesome.
Addiction groups help too, but seek the Lord also. He has more power than anything to help you break horrible addictions.
One of my favorite songs that helps me remember that I am free from all my addictions is by Casting Crowns. Hope you enjoy this today as you pray and ask God to Set You Free.