Secrets. . .Should There Be Any In Marriage?

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I was recently watching one of the morning shows that come on television and a question was asked, “Should I tell my husband everything going on in my life?” The answer that was given kind of took me by surprise. Supposedly, this woman was a relationship expert and her answer was a resounding NO!

Evidently, she is not a reformed liar like myself.

Apparently, she has never been through the trauma of what one little lie can do to a relationship.

More importantly, all her “relationship knowledge” is what leads her to believe that it is okay to have secrets with your spouse.

That is THE furthest thing from the truth!

The reason that I say this is because for so many years my relationship was built around secrets and lies. I was brought up believing the line “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him”, and I watched as countless times my mother would buy something, hide it from my dad in order to cover up her purchase and then later present as something old she had bought years before and never wore.

This kind of thinking is what leads marriages into failure daily.

I have seen marriages begin to crumble because of secrets of addictions.

I have seen marriages fade away because of secret desires to be someone other than who they are.

I have watched women go from being content with the man they have to secretly wanting a husband who is more romantic, or more loving, or more understanding.

Here is a personal testimony about secrets.

I will be the first to tell you that I had tons of secrets from my husband–my money issues, my adultery issues–all the little issues I had. I would rather lie and keep my secret safe, than to come out and share with him the things that were hurting me.

I have learned that harboring secrets from your spouse causes dissension in a marriage. As a woman hiding a secret, you always are worried he is going to find you out. Then what happens when he does find out is serious betrayal. A man will feel betrayed, disrespected, and unloved.

Secrets will tear you apart.

They need to know. Regardless of how bad it will hurt. Regardless of the outcome. Don’t let secrets tear you apart.

1 Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2 Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God. 3 And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. 4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. 5 For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. 2nd Corinthians 4:1-4

Today–make it a point to keep no secrets between you and your husband. My marriage has flourished because my husband knows without a shadow of a doubt that he can trust me. I am truthful with him regardless of how much it may hurt to tell him whatever has been going on. I urge you to do the same thing.

This post is linked to Marriage Mondays and Titus Tuesdays.

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  1. says

    Great post! It’s so easy to say, “I don’t really need to tell him this….”

    I am so blessed to have a marriage without secrets – I am working hard to keep it that way!

  2. says

    Came from Come Have A Peace and I am linking arms and standing with you on this point. I heard Dave Ramsey say one time (why is he right about so much?) that the only secrets spouses should have from each other is their Christmas gifts. SO TRUE!

    My marriage, also, has suffered the devastating effects of one little “let’s not tell this” snowballed into catastrophe that God was able to rescue. I have come to realize: Satan thrives in the dark. When we leave the Truth hidden in the dark, Satan gets a stronghold and worms his way into our marriage. Sick of it! Shine the light of ALL truth into your marriage and allow your spouse to be on your team.

  3. says

    Amen, Jennifer! Even when the truth is hard, the truth is still the best route and the route God blesses. I listened to a woman share last night about how lies are destroying a marriage. And what a great passage to remind us that the distinction of a Christ-centered marriage is that light shines through it in every way. Thanks for linking this to be shared on Marriage Mondays this week.
    Blessings on your oneness,

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