After wrestling with God last week and then finally saying yes to Him, I am now anticipating the next step in this process of realizing and acting on my God sized dream. My sweet husband bought a chaise lounge for our bedroom that we can both use –his for study time to prepare when he has to teach, and me to write when I need some peace and quiet.
I think it is this next step that scares me beyond anything else in this world. Saying yes, I thought was hard. But now — the next step — this one finds me breathing hard and trying to gulp air.
Sunday at church, I went to the altar to pray to God. The man what was speaking at the time was saying someone there was dealing with something and was begging God for peace about the situation. That person was me. I am so afraid of making the wrong choice when it comes to my God sized dream, that I am almost afraid to do nothing.
I keep saying to God, “I’ve said yes to You. What more do You want from me?” And that is when He gently whispers to me — all of it. Your trust, your life, your dream. Put it in my hands and let Me show you what I can do.
I’ll be honest with you. This thought frightens me beyond anything I can imagine. It frightens me because when I give God everything — I can no longer be in control. Where I am at right now, I feel like I have control over some things. It makes me feel — powerful in a sort of way. But God is asking me to take this next step with Him so that His power might shine through my God sized dream.
So — with my last strangling gulp — I submit it all completely to Him. The next step you ask? Well, first, I have to carve out time to write, so some things in my life have to change. But it is a good change — scary but good. Then, I just need to write, and not be afraid of writing what God wants me to.
This next step is exciting. God has already shown me in small tidbits how He plans on handling this second phase — this next step. It gets my heart to beating wildly. I think to myself — Wow, this is really happening. And from this small realization, I smile uncontrollably and start to giggle like a little child.
My God — He loves me SO much and like a true Father, will do anything to see His baby girl succeed. I just can’t argue with a daddy like that, can you?
What God sized dream is bubbling up in you? What are you doing about it?