Dear Robert,
I knew that on December 12, 1994 — the day you were born, that this day would come. Your graduation day. I have mentally tried to prepare myself for this day now for 18 years, and yet I find myself looking back over your life and crying happy tears.
Before I knew there was a God, I prayed to Him that He would send a little boy full of life and love — and guess what? He gave me exactly what I asked for. From the moment you were born, you have done nothing but be a blessing to everyone around you.
When you walk into a room, your smile and your personality brightens even the saddest of hearts. You have an amazing gift of making people smile. For me and your dad, you make us smile every single day. You are SO special, and I am glad that God blessed me as your mom.
Growing up, you have always been a great big brother to your sister. You never let anyone talk bad about her or pick on her. Kayla couldn’t have asked for a better friend. I watch other families as the brothers and sisters talk hateful to one another, and then I silently thank God for YOU and your heart of love towards family and sibling love.
I am truly honored and blessed that even as old as you are now, you are still not afraid to love on me and kiss me in public. That makes me blessed beyond any measure. You are proud of your love for me — and for that I am grateful.
You are surrounded by Godly men. I can tell that you have learned from them, you have listened to them, and that you have taken to heart everything that they have shared with you. Their lessons and teachings will take you far in life. Remember those as you continue to get older. They will help mold you into a more Godly man.
I am so glad that you have made some great friends at church. These friendships are important as you continue to grow into adulthood. Always treasure them. Treat your friends with love and respect always. I know you will.
And now — here’s the hard part. As your mom, it’s time for me to let go. You have now finished school. You have grown up into this amazing man that I am so honored to call my son. Your dad and I are SO very proud of the person you have grown into. You are definitely one of the BEST blessings I could have ever prayed for in my life.
Watching you grow up each and every day has been such a sweet honor, and now it is with love and joy that I get to step back and watch you soar as an adult. Always remember the truths that dad and I have shared with you. Those will take you far in life, but more than that — always let Jesus be your guide. He will never steer you wrong and will never leave your side.
Today is your day sweetheart. Enjoy in the fact that you are done and now — adulthood can really start.
Keep on keepin’ on. We love you immensely and always will!
We love you with an everlasting love!
Momma, Daddy, and Kayla
This past week God has really been doing a number on all my “perfections” that I think I need to have in my life. My blog, my writing, my cooking, my home, how I school my daughter, my relationship with my husband — everything in my eyes has to be “just so so” in order for me to feel complete. However, little by little, God is removing this perfect look in my eyes and is replacing it with a look of what being real looks like.
The thing that I have come to realize is this — I don’t really care how people see me, as long as they know that I am real.
Yes — I am a wife, a mother, a writer, a blogger — but more than that, I am a person and what I want more than anything is for people to know that who I am and what I do is real.
The stories that I share here are about my life — real things that happen to me. It may not be perfect — the way I share it may not be perfect — but the feeling you walk away with — that will be real.
The stories about my marriage are real.
When I fail as a mother and share that — those stories are real.
When I screw up and find forgiveness — I want to be truthful and real.
Here is the thing we need to understand as bloggers and as women — ladies need to know that our lives are not perfect. I never want someone to think that I have it all together, because I don’t. There are days that I have had a complete and total meltdown on my family. I am not proud to say that, but if I can share my story with someone else and it helps them in some way, then it was all worth it.
What about you? Do you suffer from trying to be perfect? How do you handle it?
I have really been burdened lately by a lot of things going on in my life. I am just super busy, and while I loved that life for a very long time, my body is begging me to start cutting back on things. I feel like I am in a phase of my life where I need to slow down and just breathe. Have you ever felt that way?
It’s hard to explain how I feel, really. People ask me and all I can say is that I feel like everything is spiraling out of control and there is nothing I can do about it. School was pretty much a fail this year. I worked more than I taught my daughter which has really left me feeling like a bad homeschool parent.
My blog is not going in the direction I want it to, and I blame that on part because I have been so busy with everything else that I just have been ignoring it and then throwing up something just to have a post up that day.
My work life has been so busy that I feel like the youth ministry that we lead has been neglected which cannot happen. I need those kids and they need me and my husband.
Life is just really busy and whether I want to or not, God is drawing a line in the sand and telling me that I am soon gonna have to take inventory of what is going on in my life and make some serious changes. I am not sure if I am ready to make those changes, but if I don’t, I feel like my health, my ministry, my child’s education, my work — everything will suffer.
Have you felt that way before? How did you handle it?
I know that once I do get through this, I will be a better person because of it. This is a battle that the Lord is asking me to stand strong and fight. He is really wanting to do something with my life — and I can either listen to Him and get joy out of this, or I can keep fighting Him and be miserable my entire life. I choose joy instead of misery.
Knowing that God trusts me to make the right decision helps me in some way to choose the path I know He wants me to take. I just have to really take that step of faith and know that He will be there to lead and guide me.
If you are struggling with a decision today — know that He is there for you. Trust Him. Let Him guide you 
For those bloggers that live to travel, all I can say after this weekend is MORE POWER TO YA! Oh my goodness– I cannot even begin to tell you the horrors of my Friday afternoon.
After finishing up an amazing press trip with @Hotpockets and learning some very important culinary information about myself, I headed to the Cleveland airport to get prepared to board my flight to head home. As soon as I was checking in — I got the worst news ever — my flight had been cancelled.
Now, I have never had this happen before, so I am immediately going into panic mode. I go to the desk, and the United Clerk assures me everything is fine, so he puts me on another flight that leaves at 5:30. It is now 5:00 and I have yet to make it through security.
At 5:20 I am through security and walking as fast as I can to the gate to board my plane. As I get to the gate, I see that they have delayed the flight until 7pm. Okay — so far, this was good. I had a little time. My other flight did not depart from Chicago until 9:14 so I knew that would leave me plenty of time.
Two more times during the next hour at Cleveland, my flight was delayed. I was beginning to panic again as I realized that I might not get home that night. It was frustrating. At this point, I felt like every hair on my body was being removed by a laser hair removal machine.
Finally at 8:40pm, we boarded the airplane to head to Chicago. The flight took longer than expected and I just knew that my other flight from Chicago to Paducah had already taken off.
After deboardning the plane and getting to my new gate, I am then told that my flight from Chicago to Paducah has been delayed and won’t take off until 10:40pm. I was relieved that I did not have to miss my flight because I really wanted to be home.
10 minutes later, I look up and they have delayed the flight until 11:15 — 30 minutes later, the flight was delayed until 12:05.I just kept thinking to myself — this is crazy! What is going on!
Finally at 11:30pm, we get on the plane in Chicago and start making our way to Paducah.
Now the real fun starts.
About halfway home to Paducah (which is only an hour plane ride), we hit a windshear and our engine on the plane is damaged. I AM FREAKING OUT by this point. The pilot comes on the speaker and tells us all not to worry that we are going to turn around and go back to Chicago for maintenance to the plane.
Once we get back, United Express gave us all a room and food vouchers to use and booked us on the next flight out the following day. Thankfully everything worked out ok, but this trip has me rethinking about going away all the time. I truly think I would rather drive, but then again, I would miss all the fun opportunities.
Yes– I was terribly frightened, but I realized that God had everything under control. I prayed and asked God to close the door on any decision I would have made that would have been wrong that night. I knew the right thing would be to just stay the night and leave the next morning, but my flesh wanted me to be home with my family, so I was choosing to just plow through all the bad weather and put my life in danger just to get home. God saw fit to take care of that for me and have the flight cancelled just to keep me safe.
Don’t think that just because your plans change that it is an inconvenience to you. God may just be protecting you from harm that you cannot see.
What about you? Have you ever went through anything like this?
Over this past week something has happened with me, and I am finally really enjoying myself once again. I wish I could tell you what happened. I wish I knew — but I don’t. All I know is that sometime the middle of this past week, something just clicked in my mind and the fear of “what if’s” kindly took a flying leap. I think it might have had to do with my exhilarating weekend of driving at high rates of speed during the Cooper Super Mom Ride n Drive that I attended.
I had many firsts that weekend that I fretted with myself about — driving at high rates of speed, letting my group down because I was scared, wearing a short dress to go out to dinner — I really was a nervous wreck. However, the minute I got behind the wheel and I heard my teacher say FLOOR IT — I don’t know — something just clicked in me and I said — WHO CARES – JUST DO IT!
From that moment, I have been on this high of just living in the moment. I have stopped trying to analyze everything to death and enjoy myself some. Life is too short to live in the what ifs. Life is too short to live in fear. Life is too short to NOT live.
In fact, I felt liberated today as I purchased myself my first pair of stilettos (at least I think they are stilettos) — they are freaking awesome!
They have like 4 inch heels on them. I am PRAYING I don’t fall down. I am hoping to wear them to church next week, or out on a date with my husband. I am in love with these shoes. I haven’t worn any like this because I have been afraid of falling down and hurting myself. Again — fear ruled this purchase out for many years. Now I own a pair for myself!
I wrote this post because I wanted to say — please stop living in fear and enjoy your life. There is so much to do, to be, to say, and fear will cause you to NOT do any of those things.
So — what have you been fearful of lately? STOP living in that fear.
I’ve been one of those — you know what I’m talking about — the sell out. All in the name of saving face and keeping things going smooth. Even when you don’t agree with how things are being done and it goes totally against everything you believe in. Yes — there are people like that. They take in everything they can, and they stay silent just to keep the peace. I have been that girl for many, many years.
At jobs I have worked.
As a teenager when I knew I should have spoken up.
In my marriage when I felt attacked.
As a friend, when I knew they were hurting themselves.
Let me say this — it is NOT about being silent. Being silent only hurts others. If you know someone is doing something that is harmful to them or to others around them, speak up and say something.
For far too long, I have kept silent on different issues — afraid of rocking the boat, because I have a great life. In speaking up, it could cost me everything, but if I don’t start speaking up when I feeling it burning so passionately in me, then I become a shell of the person God made me to be.
In writing this, the only person that comes to my mind is Moses. He was frightened to do what God wanted him to. He had lived among the Egyptians as Egyptians for years. However, when God showed him his TRUE nature and who he really was, Moses tried to still hide himself among the Egyptians. God did not want Him doing that and eventually had to force Moses out so his true identity would be known.
How many times have we done that? We have kept silent when God has begged and pleaded with us to stand up for Him? I’m done being like that. I knew that posting yesterday about my stand on marriage and what I believe in would cause some of my friends to not like what I have to say. I have friends who live homosexual lifestyles. I will probably lose those friends and opportunities in my workplace because of that decision to stand out, but I could no longer sit on the sidelines and be quiet.
I am tired of just being an empty shell. I will not bash people with my beliefs because that is not what I am about, but I will not hide my beliefs either in order to keep peace among everyone. I am done hiding under a rock. If everyone else around me can share about what they believe in, then why can’t I?
Don’t be a sell out. Period.
Don’t pacify others to keep the peace. If they ask you what you believe, don’t skirt around the truth. Tell them. Stand out. Be the One that God called you to be. It’s not people you need to worry about pleasing — it’s God. He is the one that you need to worry about. He is the only one that you really need to make sure you are aligning with.
So where are you at in all of this? Have you sold out? It’s not too late to turn things around.
I pride myself on being a happy person — really I do. There are not many days that go by that I am sad or disappointed or depressed. I am just basically happy. However, my life has not always been like there. There have been plenty of times in my past when I was completely riddled with sadness — to the point that I hated myself. So — how did I come out of that? What did I discover that made such a difference for me? Here is my list that I like to call the “Keys to Happiness”.
Put God First
In everything I do, God must come first. Now, for some — that may be a crutch, but for me — that is total life. God is my everything and He helps hold me together. I cannot tell you how much smoother my day goes when I have put spending time with Him above everything else in my day. I am more peaceful, joyous, and calmer when I have spent time talking to Him about my worries and struggles or needs.
Don’t Overload Yourself
This is one that I am currently working on. I have this thing where I think if I have any idle time in my day, I need to fill it with something. This is so not true. Doing this will cause you to get burned out super quick and your body will shut down eventually. You have to know when to say NO and stick to it. Don’t try to do everything yourself. If you don’t get to it or step up to take it over, it will eventually get done.
Take Time for Yourself
Anyone who says you must give of yourself all the time and never do anything special for you is a liar — just saying. Even Jesus drew away many times to rejuvenate himself, so if He did — guess that means I can too, right? If we constantly give of ourselves, but never do anything for ourselves that we love — we will eventually again, burnout, and not be of good use to anyone. Stop and take time to enjoy something you like — read a book, take a bath, go on a walk, go shopping, indulge in a Starbucks coffee — whatever it is, just do it.
Make Your Husband and Kids Your Main Ministry
Lately, I have been off track with this one. Pretty much everything else has been my ministry, and they just kind of have fallen by the roadside. The way the pecking order works ladies is that God is first, then your husband, then your kids – and everything else falls in line after that. Let your family KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that they are the most important thing to you besides God. Ladies groups, kids classes, taking meals to families are all great things, but if you are not doing those same things at home FIRST, then you need to rethink and regroup.
When I do the above 4 things for myself, I am a much more happier person. God’s joy grows inside of me when I am in align with His order for my life. It makes me a much more peaceful person — and can help you become that too.
What things help you to be a more happier person? Share them with me below.
My husband surprised me by planning a wonderful date night a couple of weeks ago. Here is what he did.
Step 1: Order Tickets to a Third Day Concert
Brownie points for getting us so close to the stage! (4 rows back)!
Step 2: Take her out to dinner at one of her favorite restaurants
Had one of the best Avocado Chicken Salads ever with Cilantro Lime Dressing -it was amazing!
Step 3: Buy her that snack that you know is her absolute favorite
Cotton Candy is hands down my favorite snack in the world. I will not tell a lie — I ate the entire bag.
Step 4: Make her feel like a princess all evening long
This is an older picture, but one of my favorites of us at another concert.
If you want to make your husband or wife feel special, plan a date night for the two of you. Go out, have fun, and just enjoy being together. It will make all the difference in the world in your relationship.
I never thought my almost 15 year old daughter would enjoy decorating Easter eggs, but when she puts her mind to an Easter photo shoot for my little chihuahua, she knows she has to have props. What Easter photo shoot would not be complete without colorful Easter eggs?
It was funny to me, because my daughter is just so different from a lot of the other girls her age. She still enjoys hanging out with me, loves to cook, and could care less about the latest and greatest fashion. She just enjoys life, but enjoys it in her own way. I truly love that about her.
She has lots of friends, but one really great best friend who has been through a lot with her. They have stuck together like glue and love being together.
As they decorated the Easter eggs, I thought to myself how blessed I am. My son turned 18 not too long ago, and looking back, neither of my kids have ever followed the pattern of being led by peer pressure. I think that has to do with the fact that they are homeschooled and know how to handle it. My kids have stayed out of trouble and have tried really hard to let God be their guide. It’s just a sweet blessing.
Our Easter egg decorating fun was filled with laughter and lots of colorful giggles! I have to give a shout out to Paas and Heinz Vinegar for making this day so special to Kayla and her bestie. This year PAAS has seven new decorating kits, including Volcano Eggsplosion, which uses melted crayon shavings to provide instant color, and Touch of Velvet, a kit that uses double stick adhesives and flocking powder to create fun, fuzzy shapes on your Easter creations.
How to Get Your Easter Eggs to Have Bright Colors
Kayla loves bright vibrant colors for her Easter Eggs, so we learned a tip while decorating them:
For the brightest, most vivid colors, add one tablet and three tablespoons of Heinz Distilled White Vinegar to a PAAS Color Cup or a one-cup container. Once the tablet has dissolved, add ½ cup water and stir gently. Also, to help keep hard-cooked eggs from cracking, add two tablespoons of Heinz Distilled White Vinegar per quart of water before placing the eggs in the pot. The shells will also peel off faster and easier when they’re done.
Decorate a Virtual Egg and Help Out Make a Wish Foundation
While we had tons of fun decorating the eggs for Kayla’s photo shoot, I was even more excited about the online virtual egg I can decorate at the Paas website.
Heinz Vinegar and PAAS Easter Egg Dyeing Kits have partnered to bring you the Easter Egg Decorator app, available both online via desktop or laptop computer and through the iTunes App Store. Now through March 31, when you decorate and share a virtual Easter egg with family and friends using the free app, Heinz and PAAS will donate $1, up to $25,000, to Make-A-Wish®.
So what are you waiting for? Hop on over to the Paas website and decorate and share a virtual egg with someone so you can help the Make-a-Wish Foundation.
I was sent a Heinz and Paas gift basket full of goodies in order to facilitate my review. All opinions listed are my own.
Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. I am not kidding. If you follow me on Facebook, then you have heard me talking about moving. . . .again. No. I am not joking. The house that we moved into last year, we had to give up because the people that owned it wanted to move back in, and the house that we moved into here in the city, the people decided to sell, so we have to move yet again. The house that we are moving into is not anywhere near as nice as the one we live in now. It’s an ugly tan color on the outside, and the inside has ugly white walls and a very outdated kitchen. Like –very outdated.
Needless to say that I was a complete blubbering mess yesterday. The thought of giving up my beautiful home and gorgeous kitchen are killing me, but I have no choice and I must move. I cried all day yesterday off and on. My heart was sick.
I went to bed last night and literally cried myself to sleep. I prayed and told God, “I want to live in a beautiful home. Why are You allowing this to happen to us? Why are you taking this home away from us?”
It was during the night while sleeping that God gently woke me up and spoke directly to my heart these words:
Sometimes you have to go backward before you can move forwards. Just trust Me.
So what do you do when God gives you a word? You lean in and you listen to what He is speaking to your heart.
Before hearing that, I was having a hard time sleeping. But the minute God whispered to my heart, I slept peacefully and I am in a much better place today than I was yesterday. When I woke up this morning and checked Facebook, my friend Shawna sent me something that she saw after seeing my post about trying to be OK with everything.
So I am going to do exactly what God is asking me and just trust Him throughout this whole process. There is a reason for it, and while I am not sure and don’t understand, God does and that is enough for me.
What About you? Does God ever wake you up with words of comfort?
I saw this the other day on Facebook, and just had to share it with you. I am a dreamer. I’ve always been a dreamer. Sometimes though, I have given up on my dreams because I didn’t like how tough it was to achieve it. God whispers to me, “Don’t give up. I’ll get you there. Just trust me.”
Today, I have to trust Him more and more, while my whole entire world is being tossed upside down. Yes– we have to move — again. Since moving up here, we have lived in three different houses now. I am so tired of moving, and I just want to get somewhere permanent, but before I do, I have to trust that God knows what He is doing by moving us here and there until that time comes.
This time though, it is a serious trust factor as we have not even seen the inside of the house. I am not gonna lie to you. I am scared. I want my home to be beautiful, like the one I live in now. I don’t want to leave where I live, but I have no choice. So I dream of the house that God will one day allow me to buy. It will have it’s own writing room, a place for my mother-in-law, a gorgeous deck, and hopefully a wrap around porch. I want a country home.
So for today, I will keep dreaming. It’s dreams that keep a person’s hope alive.
The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary. ~Ashleigh Brilliant
What do you dream about?
As I write this, I am sitting here with so much stress knotted up in my shoulders. I feel angry, sad, depressed, confused, and just plain NOT happy. I know that I am normally happy and cheery, and just yesterday I told my husband I was in a great place emotionally. But somehow, during the night, my thoughts turned inward to everything going on with me and I could immediately feel the stress piling on.
Stress of being a Superwoman.
You see, there are a ton of things I am accountable for — running my home, helping my husband, teaching our kids, working from home, writing my book, on and on I could go with this list. Sometimes this life is great and I enjoy it, then other times like right now, I wish I could just take a break and just breathe.
Honestly — the world sees us supermoms as someone who looks like this–
when in reality we really look like this –
God never made women to be this bombarded. We were made to nurture and to love and help. When we put so much on ourselves, our bodies and our minds begin to crumble — both physically and mentally.
I’ve decided to really take a step back and look at what I have going on and begin to trim things away that are eating at my health. I am to that point that I must do something or else I feel like I am going to drown.
Do you ever feel that way? How do you handle it?
Ever since I returned from my latest press trip for work, I have had tons of stuff on my mind. Things like loving who you are, doing what you need to do instead of what everyone wants you to do, and walking in the path that God set for your life. My thoughts started way back before this trip though — through my son and daughter. I love how they just are themselves and they don’t let what others do or what others say influence who they are.
They know who they are and they are not afraid to show it.
My daughter is told all the time that she is admired because she is different and she is not afraid of that. She knows that her uniqueness is what makes her special. I love that about it her. It is so inspiring to me in a world where I am trying SO hard not to be easily influenced by things like money, fame, popularity, being liked– all of those things I have always struggled with.
BUT
I am a people pleaser and I have always been a people pleaser. I like the constant pat on the back and being told I am doing great. However, we can grow so accustomed to that, that we start drowning out the one voice that makes a difference and is the ONLY one we should be listening to. While I enjoy all the attention and the “you’re doing a great job”, “You are an amazing writer”, “WOW! I love what you do”, “You’re life is so exciting”, I will be the first to tell you that the voice I really crave is that of the Father telling me what a great daughter to Him I am.
I find myself failing so much lately in the area of listening to His voice. I become everything else that everyone wants me to be, yet the ONE person who wants me to just be the woman He created me to me — yeah — I struggle in this area. I think it has to do with the fact that I lose all control over who I am when I follow His path, yet His path is really the one I want to be on.
Today, I am making a faithful decision to just let myself go and trust God with my life path and allow Him to make me into who I truly want to be — His daughter. I only want His praise and approval, and if others don’t like me — that is totally OK. God loves me and that is all that really matters in this world.
What about you? What are you struggling with today?
For the longest time now, my priorities have been SO out of whack. I used to have them in the right order — God, my husband, my kids, my ministries, my job, and then myself. However, lately — my family has been put on the back burner. God has been put on the back burner, my ministries have been put on the back burner. I have been throwing myself into everything else and leaving the most important things to fend for themselves.
I was convicted of that this weekend while on my trip away. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that I shouldn’t have taken the trip, because I know that this trip was God ordained for me for two reasons. 1) God normally speaks to me a whole lot when I am on a trip like this and 2) I finally started writing my book.
While on this trip, I spent a lot of time praying and asking God why I have been feeling so depressed and down and just bogged down with life stuff. God reminded me that it was because my priorities are out of order. You see, my word for this year that I chose to focus on is BALANCE because I know that I am in sore need of balance in my life. When I choose to do something, I throw myself all in neglecting all the other aspects of my life. However, that is not balance in any realm.
I am really going to start working on getting my life back in order and I think to do that there are a few things each day that need to take place:
- Reading and praying God’s word
- Spending time in His presence through worship music
- Spending time with others who have the same heart that I do
- Ask God where changes can be made in my life and then get those changes completed
- Make it a point to put things in their proper place in my life and hold firm to that list
God never intended for us to feel bogged down at all. In fact, God wants us to be happy and carefree. When we try to carry all the weights and burdens that we were never intended to carry in the first place, we get depressed and disjointed with life.
Today my challenge to you is this — if you are feeling like I am in the slightest little bit, I encourage you to just go to the Lord, lay your burdens at His feet and ask Him to help you pick them back up, but only in His order. Some of those burdens may stay at His feet because you were never meant to carry those and God will take them and put them exactly where they belong.
My prayer for you today is that you find peace and joy once again in the Lord and that you and me alike can get our priorities back where they need to be.
When I see that title, it still shocks me that my child was one — a cutter. Before I share with you her journey from being a cutter, I just wanted to let you know that I asked her if I could share her story and she gave me full permission to do so. This is something that is so personal to her that I did not want to do it without her knowledge.
We moved in 2011 to a nice house in the country. I remember the first time I saw scratches on her arm. I asked her what happened and she quickly told me she had scratched it on the fence while climbing over. In my innocence as a mother I believed her because my 13 year old daughter had never done anything other than be a sweet and loving child. Sure she had anger issues, but at 13, most kids do because they are going through that time of body changes, etc. She had never lied to me, stolen anything, or been rude and ugly to others. Yet — she had a hidden secret that only she knew about. She hid her secret beneath a bunch of hand made bracelets.
The day I discovered her self injury habit is a day that I will always remember for the rest of my life. Something about her seemed off — very moody and sad and it worried me. I hopped on twitter to see if she had been posting anything about what she was feeling and while she did not come right out and say she was cutting herself, I saw tweets that told me that was what she was doing. My heart ached for my baby girl because this was something so big and I had never in my life dealt with it. Thankfully she was at a friend’s house staying the night so her daddy and I sat down and started talking and praying trying to make sense of it all.
We asked ourselves questions like:
Why?
Were we bad parents? Did we cause this?
What else had she subjected herself to?
So many questions weighed on our minds. We stayed up all night researching how to deal with cutting and self injury. We found helpful information online and I am so thankful for what we read before we talked to her, because if I had been allowed to just talk to her, what I would have said would have made things SO much more worse for her and for us. Yes — there is a special way to talk to children who are cutting.
I called my friend at 1 in the morning and told her what was going on and to please keep an eye on her and that we would be there to talk to her the next day. As we pulled into the driveway the next day, my heart was pounding. When I saw her, all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and hold my hurting baby girl. We spoke for a long time that morning and as she shared with me about her addiction, the walls and barriers broke as we held each other crying.
Cutting herself was her way of dealing with emotional stress that she had no other way of knowing how to deal with. By cutting, she could focus on that pain and not the pain in her heart she was feeling.
She shared with me that she hated what she was doing to herself. It had been going on for several months and she was sick of hurting herself. During her time of self cutting, she shared with me that she had thoughts of suicide and just killing herself and not having to deal with all the issues that were going on in her head. Knowing that I could have lost my little girl frightened me beyond anything I could have ever imagined, and God used that as a wake up call to me as a parent.
It has now been over a year and a half since that time and I am proud to say that my daughter has been healed of her cutting addiction. For a few months after we found out, she struggled with wanting to do it again, but she kept remembering God’s love and our love for her, and she found a way to beat it. Not every child is as blessed as mine. While her time was short with cutting, many kids deal with it daily and for many years –without anyone every knowing what is going on.
Signs Your Child May Be Cutting
If you think your child may be self harming themselves, here are a few signs you can look for:
- Always wearing long sleeves or long pants at unusual times during the year (ex summer time with long pants or long sleeves)
- Small, linear cuts. “The most typical cuts are very linear, straight line, often parallel like railroad ties carved into forearm, the upper arm, sometimes the legs,” Rosen tells WebMD.
- Unexplained cuts and scratches, particularly when they appear regularly.
- Mood changes like depression or anxiety, out-of-control behavior, changes in relationships, communication, and school performance. Kids who are unable to manage day-to-day stresses of life are vulnerable to cutting
I think what started Kayla’s issues was because we had a major change in our home before we moved. For about 6 months I went back to work outside the home. She had just turned 13 and really had a hard time dealing with that. I did not have as much time for her and her daddy and I ignored her a lot. Kids NEED their parents. During this time, I was not there for her, and because she does not always handle change well, she found a way to cope — not one I would have chosen for her, but then again, I was not around for her so she found her own way to cope with the change that she did not like.
What Can a Parent Do
If you think your child is cutting, do not come at them as if you are attacking them. That will set them on the defense and they will cut more. Talk to them as a concerned parent. Let them know that they are not in trouble and you will not judge or punish them. With Kayla, we basically just loved her as God would love her and let Him do the change in her. We became available to talk at any given time she needed and we prayed with her quite a bit.
This post has been sponsored by Sage Day School. Check out Susan’s post about the signs that your child might be depressed on 5 Minutes for Mom and Lolli’s story on childhood depression at Better in Bulk.net. All thoughts included in this post are my own.
You know those times in your life when you have everything perfectly planned out, and you find yourself saying — Sure, I can do this and make great money at it?” You start making plans, getting things in order. You start getting excited about this adventure in your life and how this door was opened for you.
But the problem comes when the door begins to close, little by little, because God says NO on that venture. Honestly, that is where I am at right now. I am in a season of my life where God says — this is where you are. You cannot pursue further because I have something very special for you and it is not down this road. I feel Him telling me to sit tight, but as the control freak that I am, I find sometimes I just cannot sit still and be content with things.
It’s funny, because I honestly want the path that God has shown me will be my life one of these days, but on the other hand, I like the other one too. It’s exciting and fun and full of adventures, yet every time I try to pursue that path full and head on, the door gets closed. Not easily mind you, but SLAMMED hard in my face, as if God keeps saying — I have told you NO- stop pursuing that path.
I am learning that when God’s answer is no, sometimes it means “no, not right now”, and sometimes it just means NO plain and simple. This is one of those things where No means No and nothing more.
Writing has always been my passion and that is the road that God is wanting to take me down, yet I keep dragging my feet. WHY? I know that when I write — like right now, I find my insides stirring, because this is the gift that God has put in me and He wants me to share it with anyone and everyone who will listen. So why do I keep fighting Him so hard on this?
I think I fight because I am scared. Scared of being accepted as an author, scared of being rejected and told that my writing is not worth anything. Yet, when I receive email after email about my testimony and how it ministered to someone, I know that I am on the right path and writing is what I need to do.
It burns within me to share my heart with you all.
So I am going to really try to focus on the path of my life that God has chosen for me and just do my best to trust Him. I’m tired of hearing NO and I am so ready to see that door open and a yes happen again.
What about you? Are you fighting God on something right now? If so, try your hardest to walk towards the door that leads down the path God wants to take you on. His ways are so much better than our own.
It’s back!! Five Minute Friday!! I’m so glad. I’ve missed these! Come link up with us over at Lisa-Jo’s place, where we write on a single word for five minutes flat. No editing, no rethinking, just writing.
Opportunity
So many times I look at my life and I realize that everything is out of balance. My work, my blogging, my relationships — everything. I feel like I am being stretched between so many things. Many of those things are really not that important, but they have become an appendage of my life, so if I cut if off, I feel I won’t survive.
But God has recently been speaking to me about getting those things back to where they belong. Over the weekend, he basically began pruning those things from my life and giving me the “want to” to do the same. He has given me the opportunity to open up and let Him once again Balance everything out.
Why is balancing out our life so hard?
I think mainly it is because we become addicted to those things we really and truly think make our life worth living — money, things, social media, appearances, what others think of us.
My blogging for example.
I no longer blog because I just “love” blogging — which is how I used to blog. Now I blog because I think I “have” to put something up. When readers leave that bugs me. I try to keep up appearances, and in the end, all it does is make me weary and sick.
Every area of my life has to be balanced. It starts with God — and ends with God. He is my balance. He is what keeps me balanced. When I focus on Him, then I want what He wants, I crave what He craves.
Simplicity
Love
Open Opportunities to listen to Him
Balance
I am honestly and truly trying to decide what needs to happen next for me. Do I continue on with everything like it has been or do I dive in head first and balance everything back out. I feel lost when I even think of doing that, but yet excited because I know that is what my life needs.
What about you?
This weekend, I have been engrossed in a deep worship and teaching conference for youth. I finally got to experience Ramp– Karen Wheaton’s ministry that she has for young people.
It has been wall to wall worship and I have really enjoyed spending some one on one time with God. It’s been very needed.
I got a word today about me and my ministry-writing and just really doing what I was called to do.
This is my year.
I’ve received a fresh anointing and I am now ready to do what God has laid on my heart to do for many years now.
The vision has now been completely manifested before my very eyes.
I can’t wait to share it with you!
2012 is almost finished and I always try to take a look back at the highlights of my year. It kind of gives me closure for that year and starts me on my journey for the upcoming year. I had a lot of exciting things happen for me and if you have been reading my blog all along, you pretty much know what they are. But for those who have just recently joined, let me share with you about 2012
Highlights from 2012
BEST BOOK
One of the best books I read this year was Choose Joy by Kay Warren. It really opened my eyes to what true joy is and how to keep it going in your life.
BEST DECISION I MADE THIS YEAR
This year I learned to just let go and love myself — for me. Not for who I can become, not for who I think I want to be, but for the person I am right now.
BEST MOMENT OF 2012
The best moment for me this year is when I conquered my fear of the ocean and swam neck deep with our youth group. It was amazing! I just let go and enjoyed the moment.
MY BEST MEMORY
Falling in love with a bunch of teenagers and feeling like for the first time in my life, I am doing what I was called to do. It is freeing to be walking in that moment of your life.
BEST PURCHASE THIS YEAR
Getting my daughter signed up for Camp Electric. She is going to be getting lessons from some of her favorite bands for a whole week in Nashville. It is some of the best money I have ever spent
BEST GIFT
Getting my braces this year is THE best gift I have ever gotten EVER.
BEST CHANGE
I think the best change for me is just not trying to one every other blogger up and just accepting my uniqueness. I don’t have to be super big like a lot of other sites. I have loyal readers and if those numbers never grow, I will be totally ok with that — because YOU all matter to me That is my biggest change this past year.
What’s in store for 2013
I have prayed a lot about what I want to do for 2013. I am working on a new bucket list, my one word for this year, and what I want to accomplish on this blog for the upcoming year.
I am definitely going to try to get more quality content on here and share my heart more. We are working on organizing our lives more, graduating a high schooler from homeschool, and teaching the teens at church, so I have a lot I want to share with you as we go through that
More recipes of course — lots more of that.
And then –just working on my weight loss and getting more structure going there.
So what has happened to you in 2012? What are you looking forward to in 2013?
The past week has just been horrific. It started off last Friday when my daughter’s best guy friend and 3 other teenagers were killed in a car accident. I was just horrified at the news and my daughter was devastated. Then today, the Newtown CT shootings…..
Then today . .
the school shooting in an elementary school sent me reeling once again. Just as my week was beginning to calm down, I turn on the news to hear about all the kids and adults who were killed. My heart just aches for those mommas and daddies.
Photo credit:Google Images and Yahoo news
As a mom, my heart breaks for all those that has lost loved ones this week. A parents’ worst nightmare is to hear that their child has been hurt or killed in some way. I have an ache in my heart every time I think of them.
Parents, this is not a time to shield your children from what is going on. This is a time to talk to them, reassure them, and let them know that they are loved and protected. One psychiatrist was saying that you should not allow your kids to watch tv today because of the news, but my thing is this — they will discover it somewhere — most likely the Internet, so it is best to talk to them about what happened and pray with them. Show them a side of courage that only the Lord can give.
Photo credit: Yahoo news and google images
When kids are scared, they need to know that as adults, we find courage to keep going. That is what helps little kids get through times like this. They watch us. They want to act like we do, so if we are freaking out over what happened — the little ones will too. Do your best to teach them to trust God, encourage them to pray for others, and most importantly — to lean on God in times like this when we don’t understand what is going on.
Psalm 29:11
The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.
Hi! I am Jen--a wife to the most amazing man ever and a homeschool mom to one teenager. I just graduated my oldest.
I have been blogging since 2007. I love to watch movies, spend time in the kitchen, crochet, dance, drink coffee, and lay on the beach. Between recipes, reviews, and hilarious life story moments you'll find many helpful posts on this blog. Welcome, pull up a chair and stay for a while!
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