This week while reading a book, I was reminded again of the Proverbs 31 woman. I just cannot seem to get away from her no matter how hard I try. For many, this woman makes many of us intimidated by her completely organized life. She’s like the perfect wife, mother, entrepreneur, help meet, missionary — and seems to have everything together. Yet — really, she is just another woman who has definitely put God first in her life which allows her to be able to get the rest of her life in order.
While spending some time focusing on her this week, I started thinking about my home. I guess what really got me to thinking about that was an incident that I ran into with my husband at the Home Depot last weekend and this image I saw on Facebook.
A man was standing in Home Depot looking at paint supplies with his wife. However, she was not looking at anything. As loud as she could be, she was giving him what for in front of everyone. Now, as a wife, I can say that I have done this very same thing (before Jesus). When I thought I was right, I wanted everyone around me to know that my husband was wrong and I was right.
As we passed by this couple, my heart went out to her man. The look on his face as she stood there emasculating him in public. I was completely horrified. I turned around to my husband and immediately apologized to him for all the times that I had been like that. I mean, it takes a moment like this for us to really SEE sometimes what it looks like when we treat our men in such a way.
The same thing can be said about the home.
Even in our homes ladies, we need to refrain from this type of behavior. Just because no one can see our outbursts or our temper tantrums (to which at this minute I will admit that I throw a lot of — but I am working on that), we need to STOP doing that to our man. Our children need to know that we respect them above and beyond everything going on.
Men need to know that when they come home, their home will be a place of peace and rest. My husband once shared with me that when he walks in the door at home, his first thought now is “Thank goodness — I’m finally home.”. Before, when I used to have meltdowns and constant issues, he would stay away for long periods and I could never understand why. Then he shared with me that I made him feel in a constant state of stress because I was an emotional wreck.
Yes he loved me.
Yes he cared how I felt.
But when I constantly nagged him and treated him as if his opinions and thoughts did not matter, he felt it was best to just stay out of the war zone instead of coming home to relax. I want my husband glad to come home instead of wanting to stay away.
How Can We Make Our Homes a Haven of Rest
There are some things we can do to make our homes a haven of rest for our men. Here are a few things that I do that I have learned over the years.
- Play music throughout the house: Before my hubby gets home, I try to get myself praised up so I will play worship and praise music through the house. This gets my mindset from everything that is bothering me to my focus on Jesus which allows my mood to transform
- Straighten the house: A chaotic house will also make you have a chaotic spirit — I do not care what anyone else says. I have learned that when my house is chaotic, my heart and mind are pretty much in the same state. It is those states that I tend to lash out. So I try to straighten everything up and make the house look presentable.
- Burn candles: There is just something about a glowing candle that brings together the feeling of warmth and peace.
- Bake something: Okay– this might not be for everyone — especially those of you who do not bake, but for me, baking a favorite dessert of his puts me into a special place of love for my man.
- Try to get everything accomplished that he asked of you: If your husband has asked you to run a couple of errands for him that morning, try your very best to get them done. Nothing speaks love to a man more than respecting his wishes and desires.
- Pray for peace and love to abide: Before your hubby gets home, pray asking God to remove any uneasiness in your spirit and turn your home into a haven of rest for your husband.
Ladies– it’s time that we stop all the busyness of our lives and make those men — the ones that lead and protect us, feel special and loved in their homes. Let’s make our homes a place of peace and a definite place of rest. They work hard to provide for us, so let’s show them just how much we appreciate that.
Are you struggling in this area? In what ways can you turn your home into a haven of rest?
My husband surprised me by planning a wonderful date night a couple of weeks ago. Here is what he did.
Step 1: Order Tickets to a Third Day Concert
Brownie points for getting us so close to the stage! (4 rows back)!
Step 2: Take her out to dinner at one of her favorite restaurants
Had one of the best Avocado Chicken Salads ever with Cilantro Lime Dressing -it was amazing!
Step 3: Buy her that snack that you know is her absolute favorite
Cotton Candy is hands down my favorite snack in the world. I will not tell a lie — I ate the entire bag.
Step 4: Make her feel like a princess all evening long
This is an older picture, but one of my favorites of us at another concert.
If you want to make your husband or wife feel special, plan a date night for the two of you. Go out, have fun, and just enjoy being together. It will make all the difference in the world in your relationship.
Last night while watching Duck Dynasty, I was once again reminded why I absolutely love Phil and Kay Robertson. To me, they are the perfect example of loving your spouse and putting their needs above your own. Kay just has a way about her that really speaks to me as a wife. Phil — he always wants to make Miss Kay happy and he does his best to accommodate her wants and needs. Every single time I watch the show, their love, their respect, and their desire to be together just speak loudly to me.
Here are a few reasons why those two make me want to snuggle with my man just a little more! To me — she is the Proverbs 31 woman and what a great role model she is.
- Kay never speaks negatively about Phil to anyone. I can tell just by this one small thing that she is a Godly woman. When I watch her on screen, she always has a way to make Phil seem like the best husband in the world. She speaks kindly of him, never puts him down, and does her best to find something positive, when she could easily talk negative about him. I love that about her. It makes me want to really watch how I talk about my man. In fact, we all should do that because in Proverbs 31, this woman speaks so highly of her husband that he is known at the city gates and his reputation far exceeds him. It is because she has done her part in talking highly of her husband and not never negatively or out of the way.
- They never deny each other when it comes to intimacy. Some people might have a problem with this, but in all honesty ladies, if we stop denying our husbands when they need us in this way, our relationships with them will flourish more than we ever thought possible. I honestly think this is one of the reasons that both Phil and Kay are so in tune with each other. The Bible talks about giving ourselves to our mate and never denying them this intimacy except for an agreed upon time. I laugh when I hear either one of them say something about going to the bedroom. Miss Kay says it herself — she loves being with her man. Ladies– let’s learn something here!
- Kay doesn’t try to be the head honcho of their family. The Duck Dynasty family is huge, and they all know that Phil is the Patriarch and has the most wisdom. God has put him in this place as head of their family and everyone respects that. You know why? Because Kay respects that. If you notice in the show, Phil never towers over her and demands that she do things his way. She respects him as the leader of the home and he respects her as the helpmeet. They compliment each other in the way that they both know they have specific roles that are ordained by God and when we operate in those roles the way God intended, much respect will be given. The reason that the boys respect Phil so well is because of the respect that Kay has always given Phil — even when he didn’t deserve it.
This family has really won a special place in my heart and the more I watch them, the more I want to model Kay’s behavior towards Phil. You can tell that her love for God is first and foremost, then her love for Phil, and then her children. She doesn’t try to be anybody that she is not and neither does Phil. They have truly shown me what loving your spouse looks like.
Who is your marriage role model? Do you have one? If not, who would you choose?
5 Valentine Ideas that Don’t Cost a Thing
Rekindle the flame
Write a letter to your Valentine
Create a digital photo album
Take a walk on the beach
Make your bathroom into a spa
There’s nothing more relaxing then a trip to the spa. How about recreating the spa experience at home? Draw a warm bubble bath, turn the lights off and light some candles. If you don’t have bubble bath, try some rosemary or lavendar for a delightful scent. Add a classic touch, by using flowers petals either in the water and leading up to the bath. This is a perfect way to start or end your Valentine’s Day.
What is a way that you can celebrate Valentine’s Day without spending any money?
I found this cool freebie online, and as a wife who is striving more and more to be the Proverbs 31 wife — well, I want this stuck on my fridge every day so I can remind myself of what I promised to God and to my man.
To get this marriage freebie, visit Darlene over at Time Warp Wife where she is offering this to all her lovely readers.
Here are 2 free marriage books for Kindle that I recently discovered on Amazon. You might want to hurry because the prices change on these all the time.
Download a copy of Never Stop Holding Hands: And Other Marriage Survival Tips
Download a copy of A Faith Full Marriage: Building a Lifetime Love on Biblical Principles
These ebooks are specifically for Kindles, but you can go here to download a free application that enables you to read Kindle ebooks on your PC.
Now that 2013 is here and well underway, my husband and I decided to take goal planning to a whole new level. We have goal planned in the past for personal issues, and for our home life, but we have never really taken the time to goal plan for our marriage. My daughter turns 15 in just a few months. With that comes the fact that my husband and I will be spending a lot more time together as just a couple, so we are wanting to put some things in place now that will help us later on once our children are completely grown and out of the house. Here are 3 ways that you can take for setting goals for the new year in your marriage.
Setting Goals for the New Year
Pick a weekend to sit and talk
Okay– this may seem like a no brainer but as families continue to get busier and busier, it’s hard sometimes to just carve out a couple of days to sit and talk. My husband and I are going to go away for a night just so we can do some goal planning not only for our marriage, but our youth group as well. The main thing is — make time to sit and talk about the goals. Make a list of what you would like to see accomplished in 2013 with your spouse. For us, we have decided that
- We want our financial burdens to be gone so we are going to work on getting all of our bills paid off by the end of 2013
- We want to pray together more for each other, our family, and the youth that we are teaching at church
- Make time for each other this year by having a date night at least once or twice a month
- Going away at least twice a year for a couple’s weekend
Set Realistic Goals and Things that are Easy to Obtain
Many marriages set very high expectations on their spouses and make them feel like failures all the time. I know — I used to be one of those types of wives. I wanted SO much from my man that I had this list of dos and dont’s that he had to follow and anytime that he faltered from that, he would be at the bottom of my list.
The same thing can happen when you sit down to make goals for your marriage. Don’t set goals that are hard to obtain. Set your marriage up for success. Start small and choose something that you both can accomplish. Is it having dinner together at least once a week as a family or just as a couple? If so, don’t put the expectation on that you have to do it every night, because the first time you miss — you will feel like they have let you down. So, set small goals up first.
Tackle the important things first
If your goal list is long like mine was, you need to go back over and rank them in priority. Which goal do you want to see obtained the most first? Make that your number one priority and work towards that goal first. Rank them of importance so that you feel like you are truly accomplishing something together and not just writing a bunch of stuff down, just to write something.
Here’s the challenge
Now that you have a few tips on setting goals in your marriage, I challenge you this week to sit down with your man and talk about how you can set some realistic goals for 2013 in your marriage.
This is YOUR year. Claim it and find ways to make it work
Sitting across from my husband a few days ago, I looked at him — I mean really looked at him. As I sat there staring at him, I thought to myself,”Wow, I’ve now been married to this man for 19 years. Where has the time gone? Why do I feel like we’re mere acquaintances instead of husband and wife?”
I do not want to be that couple.
You see, Kayla and Robert will be fully grown and possibly out of the house in less than 4 years. When they are gone, I do not want to look at him and think what are we going to do now. I want that to be a time of excitement for us both so that we can get out and have fun as husband and wife. I am determined to know who my husband is NOW rather than later.
He is my best friend.
He is my soul mate.
We were meant to be together.
I guess that is why I am excited to see Hope Springs on dvd this week. It hit the store shelves yesterday. When I first saw this movie come out, I thought to myself — WOW that is SO my story. Have you seen the trailer?
I love all three of the main characters in this movie, so I know I will love it. More than that, I am hoping to walk away from this with new ideas for my own marriage, ones that will help Stephen and I reconnect as husband and wife.
After watching the movie, I was a bit disappointed with some of the elements in the movie and the rating itself. Moms — this is NOT a movie that you want your 13-17 year old children sitting around watching with you.
While I loved the storyline and the meaning behind the movie, I did not care for the sexual scenes in the movies, bathroom, and when Meryl is in bed by herself. I think that those could have been left to the imagination to make it a more cleaner and romantic movie. I felt a little embarrassed while watching it — so I just wanted to share that info with those of you who want to watch it. Just use good judgement
My advice to you today is this — do not wait until the kids are completely grown to find yourself, redefine your marriage, or get to know your spouse. Do that NOW rather than later. Your marriage will greatly appreciate it.
She knelt down beside her bed, angry at everyone and everything. How things had gotten this way, she had no clue. She looked up at the ceiling and cried out, Why God. Why are you doing this to me? Why can’t you just fix him and make him do right. I hate him like this.”
She began to cry sobs — huge body wracking sobs. Her marriage was going through a season like one she had never experienced before. The thoughts that creeped into her head at night frightened her. Fear gripped her every being.
She lay on the floor and cried the hardest she had ever cried in her life. It was during this time, she felt the Father pick her up and cradle her in His big, loving arms. She felt Him smooth her hair as he shushed her crying. He rocked her back and forth for what seemed like hours. In this place she felt secure, loved, adored. Here is where she longed to be more than any other place on the face of the earth.
She looked up into the face of her Father and whispered, “Why?”
The Father replied — Because YOU are my child and I needed to share something with you, but you have not been listening to me.”
She laid her head back down and at that moment, God showed her that SHE has been the problem — not her husband. She had grown distant and in doing so, began asking God to change her husband, when in the end knew that she was the one that needed changing.
“God, I’m not sure I can do this. Why me? Why not him?”
God spoke to her heart “It always starts with you My daughter. If you seek after Me, if you love Me, if you display Me in your life, I will work out the rest. Trust ME.”
And so she did. She started praying more, reading more, praising God more. She found each day that she did this, her husband was not the target that she at first thought he was. He became her soulmate again, her love, her partner for life.
Her wish had been granted. But it wasn’t he who had changed –it was her and she had God to thank for that.
Today, if you are struggling with loving your husband, and you are like me and always pointing the finger at him to change, ask God to show you what there is about yourself that needs to be changed. Most of the time, if you take the focus off of him and put it on God, all those things that annoy you and you think need to be changed will disappear.